CAN'T DANCE, BUT WILL DANCE ANYWAY DIVA

It is certainly no secret that the hubs and I love us some live music. But what you may not know is that absolutely under no circumstances whatsoever can I dance. This is sad because music and dancing ultimately go together right. I literally could not pick up a rhythm if I was single and it was the baddest boy at the bar. It is really that terrible, I promise.

Now, this is not to say that I don’t give it my best shot, of course I do and I have fun with it. Unfortunately, I just have the one move. About a decade ago I enthusiastically enrolled in a belly dance class with a very lovely instructor. During my second lesson, (yes I made it through more than one) the very lovely instructor drew a figure 8 on a large piece of paper, had me stand on it and proceed to trace the figure with my hips. To this day, it is my one and only move.



My figure 8 is functional and versatile in that I can speed it up or slow it down, but in no way equals dancing. No matter how much I am feeling the music in my soul, I suspect my lone move is never on point. Remember, I could not pick up a rhythm if I had no moral conscience and it was an ownerless Cartier watch on the sidewalk.

You know the chick from that Seinfeld episode that does not move her arms when she walks? That’s me when I’m dancing. Maybe I missed that day of belly dance class or have subsequently forgotten it, but what the heck am I supposed to be doing with my arms when I’m rocking my one move? They’re up, they’re down, they’re all around and not for a lack of deodorant, but nothing ever feels right. My arms just feel like little aliens and not in a cool trippy kind of way either.

Since I feel lack of rhythm has been my plight since birth (bless my parents’ hearts for ever having any hope I would enjoy ballet, tap, and whatever other lessons they wished upon me, I was much happier reading a book) I have decided to embrace it whole heartedly. As the hubs and I are off to another live show this weekend (he will finally get the chance to, as he often quotes, “go to jail for Wolfmother ”) I will throw caution to the wind and flail my hips with reckless abandon, it is anybody's guess what my arms will be doing.

If you are also dancing impaired, you are not alone and if you have the moves feel free to share your tips and tricks with those of us not so fortunate.

Toodles from a can’t dance but will dance anyway diva.